May 16

100 Word Challenge Week #32

Once upon a time I Bob was falling asleep at 12 o’clock at night. His sleep had stopped by a crow banging into his window. He had saw blood on the window he quickly ran downstairs to help the crow but it was lying on a cut tree log. His tears had wiped away as soon as he saw a man in a black tunic just a few feet away he had waved his hands and Bob had felt drowsy. Bob had woken up just to see him on the log lying down but he was much smaller. He felt sick as he saw breadcrumbs.


Posted May 16, 2015 by anton2013 in category 100 word challenge, 2015, Schoolwork

1 thoughts on “100 Word Challenge Week #32

  1. antsclass

    I love the fearful mood you create here using strong imagery of banging and blood on the window, the cut tree and the waving hand; the sense of dread in the last line….
    Be careful when using the auxiliary verb ‘had. Each time it should either have been removed or changed in some way- have a look and see what you think. Also, the story would read in a more grown up way if you removed the beginning phrase “Once upon a time” and just began, “Bob had fallen asleep at 12 o’clock”,
    Well done,
    Ant

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